One day, a father and son were walking along the beach when they came across a dead seagull lying on its back.
Curiously, the son asked, Daddy, what’s wrong with the bird?
There comes a time in your life when you die, said the father.
Where do you go when you die? said the son.
Up to heaven, said the father.
What happens in heaven? said the son.
God invites you into his kingdom, said the father.
Then, why did God throw this one back? said the son.
Q: Why did George W. Bush RUN across the Street? A: Because the sign read DON’T WALK!
A woman came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman. She dragged him down the stairs to the garage and put his tally-whacker in a vise. She secured it tightly, then removed the handle from the vise.
Next, she approached him with a hacksaw. The husband, terrified, screamed, STOP! STOP! You’re not going to… to… cut it off, are you?!!
The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, said, Nope. YOU are! I’m going to set the garage on fire.
Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?
A: Because it was the chickens day off.
A person walked into a doctor’s office.
Can I get a brain transplant? the person asked the doctor.
Sure, she replied. You can have a doctor’s brain for $100, a pilot’s brain for $150, or a politician’s brain for $10,872.
Why is the politician’s brain so expensive? asked the person.
Oh, it’s never been used, the doctor replied.
Q: How are electric trains similar to a women’s breasts? A: They’re made for kids, but the father’s end up playing with them.
A Mexican was attempting to cross into America,when the border guard stopped him and asked if he was an American.
The Mexican replied,Si Senor.
The border guard told him,If you’re an American, then use these three words in a sentance:’green’,'pink’,and’yellow’.
The Mexican thought about it for a while and replied,The phone go green-green, I pink it up, and I say yellow?
A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. You aren’t so good in bed either! he shouted and stormed off to work.
By midmorning, he decided he’d better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone. What took you so long to answer?
I was in bed.
What were you doing in bed this late?
Getting a second opinion.
A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street. A handsome young boy passes them and the priest says, Boy, I’d like to screw him.
The rabbi says, Out of what?
Two cab drivers met. Hey, asked one, what’s the idea of painting one side of your cab red and the other side blue?
Well, the other responded, when I get into an accident, you should see how all the witnesses contradict each other.
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