PERRICONE'S WORLD

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night,

when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the

bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.

2. An old friend who once saved your life.

3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there

could only be one passenger in your car? Think before you continue

reading.

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part

of a job application. You could pick up the old lady, because she is

going to die, and thus you should save her first. Or you could take

the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be

the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able

to find your perfect mate again.

YOU WON’T BELIEVE THIS…………………

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble

coming up with his answer. He simply answered: ‘I would give the car

keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I

would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams.’

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn

thought limitations.

Never forget to ‘Think Outside of the Box.’
HOWEVER…., The correct answer is to run the old lady over and put

her out of her misery because Obama’s health care won’t pay for her, have sex with the perfect partner on the hood of the car, then drive off with the old friend for a few beers.

God, I just love happy endings!

These are great!  Why not celebrate the occasion?

*In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male, in a pumpkin patch 11:38 p.m. on Friday night. *

*On Monday, at the Gwinnett County (GA) courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public indecency, and public

intoxication. *

*The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop, ‘You know how a

pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles or at least I thought there wasn’t anyone around’ he stated in a

telephone interview.’ *

*Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a

hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged need. ‘Guess I was really into it, you know?’ he commented with evident embarrassment. *

*In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching police car and was unaware of his audience until Officer

Brenda Taylor approached him. *

*’It was an unusual situation, that’s for sure,’ said Officer Taylor. ‘I walked up to Lawrence and he’s just banging away at this pumpkin.’

Officer Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence . *

*’I said, ‘Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you’re having sex with a pumpkin?’ *

*‘He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said… ‘A pumpkin? Shit… is it

midnight already?’ *

*This was in the Washington Post… the title of the article was ‘Best Come Back Line Ever.’*

Crap, I am already on the 3rd one!!!

New research confirms that drinking alcohol in large quantities produces many of the same benefits as yoga!

Savasana
Position of total relaxation.

Balasana
Position that brings the sensation of peace and calm.

Setu Bandha Sarvangasana
This position calms the brain and heals tired legs.

Marjayasana
Position stimulates the midirift area and the spinal comumn.

Halasana
Excellent for back pain and insomnia.



Dolphin
Excellent for the shoulder area, thorax, legs, and arms.

Salambhasana
Great exercise to stimulate the lumbar area, legs, and arms.

Ananda Balasana
This position is great for massaging the hip area.



Malasana
This position for strengthening ankles and back muscles.

Cursing at Work

Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management’s attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul
language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no
longer be tolerated.

We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when
communicating with co-workers.

Therefore,a list of 18 New and Innovative ’TRY SAYING’ phrases have been provided so that proper
exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

Number 1
TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don’t know what the fuck you’re doing.

Number 2
TRY SAYING: She’s an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She’s a fucking bitch.

Number 3
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?

Number 4
TRY SAYING: I’m certain that isn’t feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No fucking way.

Number 5
TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF:   You’ve got to be shitti ng me!

Number 6
TRY SAYING:   Perhaps you should check with…
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who  gives a shit.

Number 7
TRY SAYING: I wasn’t involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It’s not my fucking problem.

Number 8
TRY SAYING: That’s interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the fuck?

Number  9
TRY SAYING: I’m not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD  OF: This shit won’t work.

Number 10
TRY SAYING:   I’ll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the fuck didn’t you tell me sooner?

Number 11
TRY SAYING: He’s not familiar with the issues…
INSTEAD OF: He’s got his head up his ass.

Number 12
TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD  OF: Eat shit and die.

Number 13
TRY SAYING: So you weren’t happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my ass.

Number  14
TRY SAYING: I’m a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF:   Fuck it, I’m on salary..

Number 15
TRY SAYING: I don’t think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your ass.

Number 16
TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This fucking job sucks.

Number  17
TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF:    Who the fuck died and made you boss?

Number 18
TRY SAYING: He’s somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He’s a prick.

Thank You,
Human Resources

Justice in TAMPA, FL (AP) – A seven-year old boy was at the center of an Hillsborough County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible..

The boy surprised the court  when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him.

After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers Football Team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.