Typical Florida Day! lol
15
Jul
Clean Hair
14
JulEvery day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady
at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air, and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this, she can’t stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks:
“What’s sexually threatening about a co-worker
telling you your hair smells nice?”
The woman replies, “It’s Keith. The midget.”
Cursing At Church
01
JulA crusty old man walks into the local Baptist Church and says to the
secretary, “I want to join this damn church.”
The astonished woman replies, “I beg your pardon, sir. I must have
misunderstood you. What did you say?”
“Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this damn church!”
“I’m very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in our church.”
The secretary leaves her desk and goes into the pastor’s study to
inform him of her situation. The pastor agrees that the secretary does
not have to listen to that foul language.
They both return to her office and the pastor asks the old geezer,
“Sir, what seems to be the problem here?”
“There ain’t no damn problem,” the man says. “I just won $200 million
bucks in the damn lottery and I want to join this church to get
rid of some of this damn money.”
“I see,” said the pastor. “And is this bitch giving you a hard time?”
6 Truths About Life
22
Jun6 TRUTHS OF LIFE 1. NO matter how hard you try you cannot stick your tongue out and look up at the ceiling at the same time.
2. All idiots, after reading #1 will try it.
3. And discover #1 is a lie.
4. You are smiling now because you are an idiot.
5. You soon will forward this to another idiot.
6. There is still a stupid smile on your face I apologize about this but I’m an idiot and I needed company. You now have 2 options…delete it or send it along to put a smile on someone’s face today.
How To Tell The Gendre of A Fly
22
JunA woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband
stalking around with a fly swatter.
“What are you doing?”
She asked.
“Hunting Flies”
He responded.
He responded.
“Oh! Killing any?”
She asked.
“Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,” he replied.
Intrigued, she asked.
“How can you tell them apart?”
He responded,
“3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone.”
Woman At Home Depot
22
JunCharlie was fixing a door and found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent
his wife Mary to Home Depot. At Home Depot, Mary saw a beautiful bathroom
faucet while she was waiting for Walt (the manager) to finish waiting on a
customer.
When Walt was finished, Mary asked, ‘How much for that faucet?’
Walt replied, ‘That’s pewter and it costs $300.00.’
‘My goodness that sure is a lot’, Mary exclaimed.. Then she proceeded to
describe the hinge that Charlie had sent her to buy and Walt went to the
back room to find it.
From the back room Walt yelled, ‘Mary, you wanna screw for that hinge?’
Mary shouted back, ‘No, but I will for the faucet.’
This is why you can’t send a woman to Home Depot.
With Age Comes Wisdom
10
JunA guy is 72years old and loves to fish.
He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say,
‘Pick me up.’
He looked around and couldn’t see anyone.
He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again,
‘Pick me up.’
He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.
The man said, ‘Are you talking to me?’
The frog said, ‘Yes, I’m talking to you.’
Pick me up then, kiss me and I’ll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.
I’ll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!’
The man looked at the frog for a short time,
reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front pocket.
The frog said, ‘What, are you nuts? Didn’t you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.’
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,
‘Nah, at my age I’d rather have a talking frog.’
