PERRICONE'S WORLD

I don’t condone this in anyway….I post jokes, that’s what I do. Sorry!
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A woman goes to the doctor, and she’s beaten black and blue.

Doctor: “What happened?”

Woman: “Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every time my husband comes home
drunk he beats me to a pulp.”

Doctor: “I have the perfect medicine for that” he said. “When your husband
comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it
around in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don’t swallow until he goes
to bed and is a sleep.”

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

Woman: “Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk,
I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and sure enough he didn’t touch me!”

Doctor: “You see how much, keeping your fucking mouth shut helps?”

An Aussie walks into a pub and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.
He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, ‘Is your date running late?’
‘No’, he replies,’I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it..’
The intrigued woman says, ‘a state-of-the-art watch?
”What’s so special about it?’
The Aussie explains, ‘It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.’
The lady says, ‘What’s it telling you now?’

Well, it says you’re not wearing any panties.’
The woman giggles and replies
‘Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!’

The Aussie smiles, taps his watch and says,
‘ Bloody thing’s an hour fast!’…….

A guy is 72years old and loves to fish.

He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say,

‘Pick me up.’

He looked around and couldn’t see anyone.

He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again,

‘Pick me up.’

He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.

The man said, ‘Are you talking to me?’

The frog said, ‘Yes, I’m talking to you.’

Pick me up then, kiss me and I’ll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.

I’ll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!’

The man looked at the frog for a short time,

reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front pocket.

The frog said, ‘What, are you nuts? Didn’t you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.’

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,

‘Nah, at my age I’d rather have a talking frog.’

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large Sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.
If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and
write ‘Spaghetti’ on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. ‘Honey,’ she said, ‘you received a very strange post card today.’
‘Oh, just give it to me and I’ll explain it later,’ he said.

The wife obeyed.

She watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted. On the card was written:

‘Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.
Three with meatballs, two without.

Send extra sauce.’
Thank you

For the  Annual Company Picnic, management had decided that because of liability issues, we could have alcohol, but only one drink per person..

I was fired for ordering the cups.